7.10.17

:: new version ::

ive passed the 100days. alhamdulillah.
i am proud of myself, im literally giving myself a pat on the back. haha.
i still get questions like "this is for real ke babe?" ...and now, i can answer "it's been more than a 100days so im pretty sure, yes...it's for real"

you can ask Sue, how much i wanted to berhijab many years back. even before i was with LVDV. but never kuat hati to do so. so along the years, the closest i am to a hijab is kumpul segala tudung mak nenek in a box with an imaginary label ~ to wear one day nanti. even back then, my sisters knew i already pasang niat but they always give me advice; if belom ready tak payah lagi kak nya. I've probably heard this sentence like over 500 times. both of my sisters, started berhijab when i was still in short skirts dresses. i supported them and over the years, i watched how they've evolve becoming such pretty hijabis. dalam hati berbisik, bestnya macam nak jugak. but although im a risk taker, this risk wasn't something i wanted to do half-heartedly. i wasn't ready.

u know how me and my sisters always do stuffs together. we share almost everything together. from shoes to handbags to accessories to clothes. but suddenly, i couldn't fit in sharing shawl tutorials conversations or discussing on what color of shawl to match with which jubah or why does this shawl terletak and this shawl doesn't..yadaa yadaa yadaa. sometimes ill be like, helloooo can we go back talking about that handbag instead of shawl nealofar or cakenis or tudung people....*rolling eyes*

suddenly earlier this year, my sister Tia said; Kak Nya, ko start la berhijab. you will still be you, just lebih baik kita jaga aurat. i was not offended at all. i was like...i dunno what i was like. but that statement was stuck in my head for days, okay kidding. weeks actually.

and there were days i was judgemental when reading stuffs about how some celebrities (and friends) dah berhijab pastu free hair balik. made me more cautious in deciding when will i ever find the courage to or will i ever be like them also nanti? what if my iman is nipis too? scary weh!!! i pray to God, mintak-mintaklah diri ni istiqomah, walau macamana susah pon. aamiin. im sorry i judge, but it's more a sedar-diri moment for myself.

one close friend asked me my reasons, i told her in private. and she said; babe, to me. that just means u love your parents not only kat dunia. also in akhirat. terus bergenang airmata aku. didnt cry sebab we were in Starbucks. ramai orang weh. but no one has ever said that to me.

it wasn't just because i wanted to berhijab. my goal is to become a better version of myself. a better muslimah. inshaaAllah. and although selama ni i keep thinking, u know kalau nak berhijab u gotta make sure u diligently not miss your prayers n all. pffts...i was wrong guys. it's not about kalau nak, it's about bila sudah..MasyaAllah. bila sudah, everything just falls into place. bila sudah, i had time to do banyak benda yang dulu2 i never even think of doing. subhanaAllah. i learn to love life even more. don't get me wrong, im still the same person, it's just that i've evolved to a newer version. i feel like ive upgraded myself in some ways dengan izin-Nya. And for that i am very much grateful. very. very. very grateful. Terima kasih, Ya Allah.

i know, i have a very long journey to go before i reach my ultimate destination. but i believe, He is always with me along the way. together with the people i love and those who loves me. by the way, first day had me 2 jam setengah nak lilit the shawls ye...LVDV made fun of me the first 2 weeks. but after berpuluh tutorial videos (some from my 2 sisters too, gigih siot) i think im getting pretty good at it. no more 2 jam setengah. now, setengah jam je. -____-"


hi. it's just me.