:: rindu ::

i fell in love with the song.
we had to drove 2 cars for a few days so it's pretty normal when i drive alone, my playlist will be the one yang teman me. radio off. and this was on repeat.
nak kata rindu kat LVDV yang tengah drive blakang me karang muntah pulak ye dok? haha. but then i realized one thing about RINDU. 

it's always the first thing.

bila start a new relationship, rindu is the first thing kita rasa dalam hati. kita rindu orang tu if tak jumpa or call or text. bila ada rasa rindu tu laa..we feel as-if we're in love. sebab rindu will make u realize adanya feeling sayang tu.
bila the same relationship is on the rocks, rindu is the first thing yang akan hilang. kita takkan rasa apa-apa when the person is in absence. kita tak heran langsung pon actually. sebab kita dah tak rindu at all. no rindu no relationship. that's a fact.

rindu is a serious matter. 

have u ever rindu someone sampai nanges? one of my friend recently called me and cried over the phone, sebab rindu this guy she was very close to katanya. the moment her voice cracked and confessed to me about it, i knew her feelings was for real. rindu yang dah jatuh sayang.*sigh*

another friend i think totally lost her rindu feeling towards her partner sebab all she ever mentioned was how she prefers to stay at the office even after office hours. she said she has no feelings anymore but actually there's nothing at home for her to rindu-kan about. *sigh*

rindu is a powerful feeling.

sebab tu la agaknya when it comes to soalan-soalan like "u rindu ex u tak?"..the jawapan of either yes or no boleh jadi bahan gaduh. haha. sendiri tanya sendiri sentap. wtf. when you're in a relationship, bila rindu is more than love, then you're in a big trouble missy. that's where insecurities comes in and mess with you. your rindu feeling is so powerful sampai tak tahu nak bezakan realiti and history. 

tapi ada juga some people walaupon orang tu depan mata pon dia rindu. camno tu? for new relationships, like mine, i think it's called the process of falling in love. gittew. new kah? bhahahahaha. but seriously, it is a part of strengthening the love. so the love feeling will eventually be more than rindu. but too much pon tak elok sebab to be overdosed of anything is memang tak elok. susah nak explain but it is as it is. i think you'll understand what i mean. 

the song i posted has nothing to do with the blogspost pon.


:: mudah terhibur ::

i was told i am a person yang mudah terhibur. when it is a work-related issue, please read as easily distracted. as much as i want to deny it, i will not. sebab memang betol gua memang mudah terhibur pon. haha. but this got me thinking...

u see, just because i don't have any office to go to or i work at hours yang suka hati or i choose the days i wanna work or not...people tend to think i don't have any job. technically memang i don't have a job,i have a business. there's a difference u know. i work for myself. build my own business. i don't work for orang lain. or work under anyone. when it comes to involvement of orang lain, it's more like i help other people's business. that's what i usually do. one year after another, i swear...people misjudge me about my work or no-work issue is seriously starting to get on my nerves. 

one of my weakness is i tend to grab any opportunity that knocks on my door. when i say any, read as all. be it from baking and selling cupcakes to jual kebaya to doing MLM or whatsoever. i have a habit of giving my time to people who tries to convince me in something. tahu tak about that one person who signs up for everything? that's me. one time masa dekat kedai, there was this girl and boy who came and approached me for NKF. it started with "kakak ada 10minit to spare kejap tak?"...10mins later, aku dah siap sign borang diaorang. mudah terhibur kan? then before leaving the boy asked my permission to take a selfie sebab it was his 2nd day at work and i was his first signed-up. made my day siot. *smiles*

so easy with me kan? if it is interesting enough, ill try it out. if it brings me good rezeki, then alhamdulillah. if it doesn't, ill just move on to the next fellow with the next opportunity. hence, mudah terhibur katanya. i seldom have that menyesal moment/phase. maybe sebab i truly believe everything happens for a reason. one recent event, i lost some amount of money. it was for an investment purpose but it turned out somehow wrong and there's like no-way im getting my money back. u have no idea how much anger i have in me but still i tak menyesal. sebab the incident introduced me with this hardworking kakak who lost RM31k over her own bad judgement in business. that totally made me felt guilty dwelling on my few thousands. akak tu mampu redha, why shouldn't i? right? then baru terperasan, in return what i got was inquiries for bigger groups untuk #MGPA. mudah terhibur works in so many ways, it's just matter of perasan dengan tidak je. 

what im trying to say is, my mudah terhibur weakness is also my strength. i know myself better. i grow to be someone who i wanna be and works towards what i want. it teaches me not only about business but also about the people i deal with in business. it helps my business network to grow. it makes me wiser. cewah. so after all, i think it's okay sebenarnya kalau mudah terhibur pon. at least ada la jugak hasil. ye dok?


:: i feel you MOK ::

"tak pe laa sayang. kalo u gemok pon i sayang kat u"
i wanted to slap LVDV's face. -_____-" such a cliche sentence. this was after berairmata dia gelakkan aku sebab i said i feel fat. LOLs.

just to make things clear. i was NEVER kurus pon. im already at the state of redha accepting the fact 'kuruih' will never be in my dictionary. im very voluptuous and curvy. recently, i just added chubby and double-chin to my list. pffts. now, makin menjadi-jadi plak which lead me to say i FEEL fat.

since i believe in karma a.k.a whatever u say might come back and hit u in the face, so i think for the past few months maybe ada la aku termention some names who looked chubby-er than before. i swear im sorry for calling you 'Mok' Asha...it was your brother's idea actually. :P  

it started when recently i felt some pain kat area lutut. (there's also kisah lutut which made LVDV laughed harder. hoh!) been mentioning it to LVDV but dia busy giler with the mahjong game dia baru discover. a few days back, a red patch appeared on my skin and mulalah aku gelabah nak mati. my family history ada je yang sakit lutut sebab banyak berjalan or badan too heavy. obviously reason yang first tu tak valid la kat aku kan? bhahaha. so the second reason was haunting me. i started visualizing myself in wheel-chair and all. siap pikir macamana la nak masak lauk2 yang take longer than 30mins to cook if i cannot stand lama-lama. oh no!! 

irrelevant right? i know. LVDV slalu cakap, perempuan memang tak releven. im one of them now. *tepukdahi*

im still thinking a way to betolkan this feeling. you see, i didn't say i look fat. i said i feel fat. so first things first, i should stop all my teringin-wishlist. let's put a hold on that. next, goodbye air manis and hello mineral water only. then, it's time to change my daily menu. healthier, less salt, less sugar, no preservative, no carbs kinda food. i sound like a Kenny Rogers iklan plak dah kan? oh well, Jez owes me some recipes. i shall haru dia..hehe. kita start tiga nie dulu la ek! just in case you're wondering why i didnt list exercising...in my defense for now, i dont have proper shoes. (sold my Reeboks a couple of years back) but ill do my squats while waiting brushing my teeth. okay kan? kan? wow. such heavy commitments. im already starting to sweat. phew.

let's give it a go for a month starting tomorrow. konfiden tu penting orang cakap. 
good luck lah Tania oii...but in the meantime...



:: im in good hands ::

a friend once scolded me for having 'nothing-in-life'. at that time, i was unemployed (quit my last job), i was having relationship issues (major unforgiven behaviour. bitchy me eh? LOL) and i was 32 but i looked like someone who is 45. teruk giler. i felt shitty inside yet being an honest friend she was, her tarbiah wasn't helping at all. i had #GGBEBS but it was managed by Sue so she said that didn't count. i didn't have a house of my own. i didn't have a car of my own. i didn't have a job. i was practically living but not happy. she scolded me like any other bestfriend would. you know, rubbing into my face all the things i didn't wanna hear. comparing them to hers and other friends. i hit rock bottom. did i mention this was on new year's eve?

i didn't cry. i said thank you and hugged her before we both went to bed. i didn't sleep at all that night. i keep thinking about what she said. asking me to decide what i want in life. memang la aku krik-krik moment wehhh...im a Gemini. i never know what i want in life (literally speaking)..haha! that friendship bonding moment we had was one of the strongest i ever felt. now, we're no longer friends. i think she disapproved who i chose in life. haha. we drifted apart and masing-masing dengan life masing-masing.

i didn't have any regrets back then. because secretly i knew i just had to hit rock bottom. faced my problems and fix myself on my own term. i chose who i wanted. im still with the one who i wanted. i got lucky i am loved incredibly. 

i still don't have my own house. i never even wanted to buy any in Malaysia anyway. i still don't have my own car. im flexible and any mode of transport is fine with me...what i have now is Luvtanya Enterprise. it's already my third year doing tourism business. (i shall write about it soon!!) alhamdulillah...we travel often. so far LVDV is my best backpacker-teammate. dia carry the backpack, i carry myself *flips-hair* hehe. it's been awesome being my own #GIRLBOSS. amazingly more business to come in the near future. inshaAllah. 

life has been nothing but great. LVDV is with me all-the-time. we help each other in each other's business. (yups..dia pon boss sekarang. who knew eh?) it is not as perfect, of course la ada hiccups but as always, face those problems and work something out. my favorite time of the day with LVDV is anytime when it involves hot coffees and discussing about US. love, life, plans and other fortunate events. how we both are looking into the same future direction. ignoring everyone else and just be in OUR world.  i am grateful that i am in good hands. 

so to my dear friend, i really don't know if you're gonna read this (but some of your friends will), i never forgot what u said. that's the only part of you that i have hold close to heart all these years. i think i dare to say, i have made u proud. u know, if we were still in touch. shessh..we could've travelled sesama pon! sayangnya it's not your rezeki for me to share my part of rezeki with. as much as i want you to be my forever friend, i have accepted the fact u only existed for a reason. nevertheless, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.